The new you will try to bury the old me

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Wed, 21 Mar 2007 02:48:50 GMT

immaturity is the act of compromising yourself in an unhealthy relationship. this isnt rocket science and for damn sure isnt a new revelation. such a simple concept yet how many people do we know that constantly repeat the cylce of "man why do my friends only go for crazy motherfucking girls?" this leads to a few conclusions. either a) our friends are not as intelligent as we would like to think they are. or b) our friends are just as emotionally fucked as the people they are dating. because who you date is a direct reflection of who you are, what you find attractive, what you find acceptable, what you're willing to put up with, and what you are willing to be subjected to. maybe its you that im talking about. maybe you are the moron who continually makes excuses for your boyfriend or your girlfriend. maybe it's you that perpetuates the cycle and continues to let shitheads go unchallenged. maybe it's you that secretly knows that this person isn't worth your love. yet you continually chase after that one night that he kissed you goodnight under the streetlights so hard it made you float back into your room to write a journal post about how amazing and perfect he was. but he'll never kiss you like that again. and despite all attempts of reliving that night, he will perpetually disappoint. because that night, despite all good judgement, you idealized. you see these people as the end all, be all, of love. when in reality we are simply smelly and flawed boys and girls. we refuse to see our faults and our flaws when most of us are smart enough to know that no one comes wrapped in a little yellow bow, and that none of us shit strawberry ice cream. so why do we continually fall for the same shitty boy and shitty girl? well, that butterfly feeling in your stomach is your worst enemy. that is the feeling that love makes when it is storming the castle wall of common sense. that's what it feels like when someones smile has gotten the best of you and conned you into thinking that he or she is everything that you have ever wanted...and that's where we go wrong. because that's when we believe that someone can complete us. true love is when we complete ourselves. anything less is giving in, trading down, and selling out. true love is when we are mature enough to say no, no thank you, to someone who despite how they glow under the moonlight, forgets to call the next day. to say no fuck you, to the little cute rebel boy who continues to string you along and break your heart. true love is knowing who not only genuinely deserves but is willing and excited to treat our love in the manner in which it deserves. true love is not giving time to shitty boys and shitty girls because we know we are better than that. true love is knowing the difference between someone completing us, and someone complimenting us. true love is someone who will not eclipse our glow, only enhance it.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Tue, 30 May 2006 04:23:29 GMT

PS-I LOVE MY BIFFLE THENICKSUMMER ALOTALOT!!!!!

no lj cut folks.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sat, 13 May 2006 19:15:00 GMT

aw prooooom, i loved you so much.
brushing my teeeeethies.
before we got our makeup done
MAC!
gaelle<3
my hott date.
gaylord.

kristina looked so pretty

brandon was an amazing dance partner all night :)

paul's awesome.

qttttt

after prom, on our way to the hotel.
thennn, on the way home from the party this morning, lookin tired as fuck.

prom was everything i wanted it to be and more. the actual dance was alot of fun. it was also right on the beach, and that was beautiful. everyone danced, got along, and had a good time. afterwords, we went to this fuckin awesome 5 star hotel in miami. the kid who had it, spent like 2000 bucks on the room, so needless to say, it was amazing. got crunk and chilled on the amazing balcony/roof that overlooked miami most of the night.

nights like these are what i'm gunna miss the most about highschool.

if i could be who you wanted, all the time.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 14:25:37 GMT

i finally figured out that i want to study music engineering in college, it's perfect for me, and it's also pretty exciting to have a goal you're willing to give your all for. HIGH FIVE TO ME FOR FINALLY BEING DECISIVE FOR ONCE IN MY LIFE! yesss, this is a big deal folks.

when your parents and brother are gone for the day and night, it is a wonderful time to run around your house in your underwear and blare your music to ridculously absurd levels, and be totally punk rawk.. therefore, today will be awesome for me.

also,

=] he's the absolute cutest.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Tue, 21 Feb 2006 13:30:28 GMT

What I must do is all that concerns me,
not what the people think.
This rule, equally arduous in actual and intellectual life,
may serve for the whole distinction between greatness and meanness.
It is the harder, because you will always find
those who think they know what is your duty, better than you know it.
It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion;
it is easy in solitude to live after our own.
but the great person is one who
in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness
the independence of solitude.

Live, and let live.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sun, 12 Feb 2006 03:14:56 GMT

You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realisation of an intimate union in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet - you possibly soon will.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

We are all conditioned by our environment and as such we respond to people's perception of ourselves, but you feel that conditions are not right at this time. You are experiencing certain reservations that are precluding you to develop a particular relationship, business or personal, that is being offered. It is 'make your mind up time' - the decision is all yours, but whatever decision you make, it will be the right one.

You are holding back. You need to find friends in whom you can trust and once they have proved themselves beyond all possible doubt you will be prepared to give them your all. The existing situation is not of your liking - you have an unsatisfied need for mental stimulation with others whose standards are as high as your own. Trying to control your instincts the way you do restricts your ability to open up to others and the way you feel at this time is suggestive of 'total surrender'. This is not to your liking as you consider such thoughts as weaknesses that need to be overcome. You feel that only by control, controlling your innermost thoughts, are you able to maintain your air of superiority. You want to be admired for yourself alone and not for what you can do or for what you may have done. In essence 'you need to be needed' and at the same time 'you need to need'.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

http://www.paulgoldinresearch.com/cg/index.htm

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Thu, 09 Feb 2006 13:29:01 GMT

new hair. more layers and such, compliments miss calla.

that is alllll.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Feb 2006 02:53:00 GMT

Flattered that you think I warrant ugliness.
Gutters drain west, mud made a mess of us.
It's time to leave this place.
I'd saw through your wrist to find a better trap that fits.
I'd saw through your traps to find a better you.
A part of you that lasts.
I'd saw through your trap and into my own wrists.
Saw we were through, red ribbons spill to blue.
A sight to sore your eyes.
I got this dress.
I'm hiking it around this waste of laughter.
Slow dance alone with no one to the sound of four hands clapping.
Congratulations to you both, I hope you're somewhere happy.
If there's a moral to this story.. then I wish you'd show me.
Hair in the blood, fly in the disappointment.
Rubber, I'm glue.
I'll write the book on you.
It's sticking to my face.
You need a little less than what you take for granted.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Mon, 06 Feb 2006 11:30:32 GMT

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Fri, 03 Feb 2006 03:35:21 GMT

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Wed, 01 Feb 2006 13:20:00 GMT

does he kiss your eyelids in the morning?

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Thu, 26 Jan 2006 01:41:07 GMT

today in sixth hour my body decided it hates me and that it wants to get really sick again and ruin my life, so it did. and now this is the first time i've been able to move from my bed since i got home. and my head/throat/body aches keep getting worse. i tried telling my mom it's probably AIDS from going to such a nasty ass school, but she doesn't believe me. i'm frustrated with a million things right now, and i guess that's where most of my frustration is stemming from-the fact that something is always bothering me and i wish that shit would just stop. i never realized how much of my self esteem i subconciously place in the hands of others, but i would give anything to start seeing myself through my own eyes again. sometimes i forget what i used to like about myself, and other people, and i hate to blame you for this mess, but i know deep down that you will always be part of the reason i view everything this way. everyday i'm battling with myself to become the person i used to be before i felt loss, but it's starting to seem impossible. i hide behind my defenses, but they're weak, and i'm weak, and i have no problem admitting that. and the people, who has ever made me feel half the way i know i deserve to, are the ones that i won't let in. and this, is my problem. because i recognize a good thing, but i have no idea what to do with it. i wish i could pause time lock myself in my room and not come out until i'm completely satisfied with who i am and until i know exactly what i want and where i want to go. because i feel like im ruining everything by not being sure of anything. i cried in my shower the other night for a really long time over somebody i've never even spoke a word to in my entire life. gregory roy, in my second hour hung himself the other day. and i guess it just hit me hard for more reasons than one, because i had just seen him the friday before he did it, and then the next day we come back to school, we're greeted by a solomn principal's voice, with news no one expected. half the students didnt give a shit. and that's not surprising, just sickening. and i was forced to go through every single day this week hearing peoples insensitive comments that made me want to just hang them myself. it's just heartbreaking and gut wrenching, to close your eyes and try to imagine the amount of pain he mustve felt. i try and block it out of my mind, but honestly, i hope i never find out what it feels like to never want to wake up again.

i would never wish that upon anybody.

i miss having consistency in my life (and my brain) and i guess i'm not ready for all of the responsibilites that being 18 years old and graduating highschool seem to come with. i'm holding onto a past and the people in it, because i'm afraid my future won't measure up. or maybe i'm afraid it will. or maybe i don't know. either way, the one thing, out of all this confusion that i'm sure of, is that i want to better myself. i'm not sure what exactly that means or what it requires, but i'm willing to find out. it's been said enough times by enough people including myself. but, im tired. i'm tired of the things i see happening, and the things i see myself getting sucked into. i'm tired of the scummy boys who are convinced they have so much to offer, and therefore pick apart every single girl they meet until there's nothing good left. and i'm tired of the girls who put up with that. and the girls who are so caught up in their hostility and hatred for every other single girl that exists. i would give anything to grow up in a time, where we were there for eachother. instead of this time, where we put boys before best friends, and this time where we're so busy focusing on everyone elses' flaws that we fail to recognize our own. i'm tired of people coming to me with their latest drama and gossip. i'm tired of pretending it interests me, or that i'm intrested in you-because i'm not. and if i've ever given you the impression that i am, then i sincerely apologize. i don't thrive off other peoples pain and suffering, or their lives in general. whatever happened to hobbies and doing something productive with your time besides spending it ruining others. i hear things i don't want to hear. i see things that make me never want to leave my house again sometimes. i'm not exempt from any of this, because believe me i've said things i can't believe ever came from my mouth, and i've done things that i will spend a long time wishing i never did. but that's a complete other story, and i deal with it every day. i am over this. i'm over it. my god, i am fucking over it and i always have been.

for the several people who i feel have kept me from swearing off the entire human race as a whole, thank you. because i do appreciate who you are.

here's to, cleansing my mind, and mainly my life.
i'm done.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Mon, 09 Jan 2006 03:48:35 GMT

forgiving someone, anyone, for hurting you [no matter how severely] will always be the first step in healing. and it's taken me my whole life to realize this, but better late than never. i'd rather accept that people fuck up, the same way you and i made a mistake a week ago, yesterday, an hour ago, whatever. it's human nature, it's never ending, and i'd rather it be this way then have to carry around a bunch of bitterness and anger inside of me that ultimately deepens my already deep enough wounds. i'd rather force myself to learn how to forgive but never forget, then pretend like i'm okay with hating somebody. because i'm not.

and this feels so much better.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Tue, 08 Nov 2005 13:17:36 GMT

once youre raw and vulnerable and broken, the only real way left to go.. is up.

we'll stay in touch this way. so we can stay and touch.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Fri, 28 Oct 2005 21:31:44 GMT

so being alive is cool and all. having power back FINALLY is even cooler. hurricane wilma has taught me one valuable life lesson..never go on the show survivor, because i wouldn't survive. ever.

ps,
the stars at night are breathtaking.
ps,
"I think you're the least fucked up person I've ever met. and that may be as close to the real thing as I'm ever gonna get."

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Mon, 03 Oct 2005 01:12:35 GMT

i am in love
with my friends.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sat, 17 Sep 2005 19:19:08 GMT

too much

too little

or too late

too fat

too thin

or too bad

laughter or

tears

or immaculate

unconcern.

haters.

lovers.

armies running through streets of pain

waving wine bottles

bayoneting and fucking everyone

or an old guy in a cheap quiet room

with a photograph of Marilyn Monroe.

there is a loneliness in this world so great

that you can see it in the slow movement of

a clock's hands.

there is a loneliness in this world so great

that you can see it in a blinking neon in Vegas, in Baltimore, in Munich.

people are tired.

strafed by life

mutilated either by love or no

love.

we don't need new governments

new revolutions

we don't need new men

new women

we don't need new ways

we just need to care.

people are not good to each other

one on one.

people are just not good to each other.

we are afraid.

we think that hatred signifies

strength.

that punishment is

love.

what we need is less false education

what we need are fewer rules

fewer police

and more good teachers.

we forget the terror of one person

aching in one room

alone

unkissed

untouched

cut off

watering a plant alone

without a telephone that would never

ring

anyway.

Too often people complain that they have done nothing with their lives and then they wait for somebody to tell them that this isn't so. But.. they had it right. They've done nothing. shown no courage. no inventiveness. They did what they were taught to do. They did what they were told to do. They had no resistance, no thoughts of their own. They were pushed and shoved and went obediently. They had no heart. They were cowardly. They stank in life. They stank up life. And now they want to be told that they didn't fail. You've met them. They're everywhere. The spirtless. The dead-before-death gang. Be kind? lie to them? tell them what they want to hear? tell them anything they want to hear? People with no courage made them what they aren't. And if they ask me, I'll tell them what they don't want to hear. This world is covered with them.

And i want to be free of that.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Wed, 03 Aug 2005 16:48:17 GMT

yep.

and other than that, i got my schedule today, and i can't wait for this last year to FLY BYYY.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Jun 2005 12:47:36 GMT

You wake up everyday and hear about bad things happening to good people, and naturally your heart no matter how hard, can't help but go out for someone you don't even know. But I dont think that emptypitinyourstomach feeling of sympathy and longing really hits home until it happens to somebody you know and genuinely care about. I don't really think you have any clue until your friend is in a car accident leaving her with many broken bones, leaving her bleeding from the brain, and worst of all in a coma. Dominique and I recently started to become good friends in the past months, and she is one of the few people in South Florida that I can honestly say i'm thankful to have had the pleasure of meeting. If there's anyone who didn't deserve this, it's her. And everyone who knows her, no matter how close they may or may not be to her, can back me up on that. I guess there's nothing else to do in a time like this but pray, pray, and pray some more. And i've never prayed so damn hard in my entire life. I truly believe that a little bit of faith goes a long way. And if you're not one for praying-then please keep this girl and her family in your thoughts.

Dom, i love you. and you're going to be alright because you are too amazing not to be.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Fri, 18 Mar 2005 01:06:04 GMT

I hope I don't make the same Foolish mistakes I know you've made.'Cause I can see me and the things you don't see. People that you don't see.Tell me again where you were when the world changed and forgot about you. If it's sympathy you need. Then, well, I'm sorry. But you're not the only one that feels cheated. It's too close to home. And it's too near the bone. More than you'll ever know. I don't miss you.

my happiness, in my hands, no one else's.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Wed, 16 Feb 2005 02:30:25 GMT

This is my last entry for awhile.

I'm not good with words, so I won't bother attempting to explain the unexplainable. All that needs to be said is that I love my best friend and her mom for everything they opened my eyes up to tonight.

You just get to this point in your life, sooner or later, where you realize the only person whos sanity really matters-is your own.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sat, 12 Feb 2005 16:27:49 GMT

If your life is predictable, well at least you'll know what to expect, but I can't seem to find the point in that? Maybe people are predictable, but that should be ok with us, and it is, with me at least. There will never be a damn thing you can do to change that, so might as well be. But life, life is a big risk. Just being alive is a risk in itself, because it challenges you to really live. Alot of us settle with some mediocre half-assed, just barely getting by thing. All I know is I don't want to look back one day, and feel like the oldest person who has ever lived, and hasn't learned a single thing.

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Mon, 24 Jan 2005 03:28:04 GMT

if you've been removed from my friends list, kindly do the same.
i'm sure it's nothing personal, we just yaknow, probably never talk.

so makes sense? si.

thank you much
michelle

My Boo<3333

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sat, 27 Nov 2004 16:10:50 GMT

I MISS THIS GIRL:

3 days without my Michelle is HELLLLLLLLLLLL

Love Always,

This Girl:

(Emma)

take-it_ez@hotmail.com — Sun, 24 Oct 2004 23:50:05 GMT

leaving coral springs..

got to the hotel and discovered our spectaculor bunk beds that we refused to let my brother and his friend have !!

we got to the park and were greeted by him :)

WE FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN<3333. we kept "Accidently" walking by him the entire night.

spidermannnn

best sign ever.

looking trashed on the merry go round

mother

by far the best ride there

the pretty turquoise womanthing

the funniest assholes ever that dissed every single person as they walked by.

blowin the nose, so hott

the sign says it all <33 wonderful, wonderful weekend

oh and before we left for home we all stopped into the Ripleys Believe It or Not Museum which was convienently right next to our hotel. it was amazing in there, i wish i would have had my camera with me. I cannot wait to go back to Orlando next month for me,emma, and juans birthdays!